They gave me a pencil this time. Someone will inevitably erase my line and put down whatever they wish.
Write-in candidate: Magical Unicorn, The Unicorn Power Party
Platforms: Expanding magical forests, using special horn power for good, not
Evil
The man standing next to me looks on to the ballot of the man next to him. “So, do we, like, have to vote for all of these people or whatever?’ He points to the ballot.
“Maybe.”
“Shit, man, I don’t know. All I fucking care about is the President.”
Write-in candidate: Who cares? It’s all the same.
Platform: Local politics don’t matter. The TV/the wasp buzzing in my windowsill/my grandfather/the dog down the block barking demonic phrases/the leaves chattering in the street/the men fighting on the corner told me who to vote for.
You know who I’M voting for?
Who?
Joan Baez! I saw her and she gave me the message. PEACE! That was it! The drumming started and I got it. I totally got it.
Write-in candidate: Jada the Siamese cat mix
Platform: Single issue: string
Alexander is packing his bags, ready to leave for Germany if needed. He says they have beautiful white asparagus there. The Green Party is very strong. Everyone under 45 speaks English better than we do. How lovely.
The machine is beeping at me to hurry up and load the goddamn ballot already.
The man says I have to let it go.
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1 comment:
Any idiot country can have white asparagus. You cover up the growing shoots with earth and starve it of sun, and then, right before harvesting, uncover it quickly and say, "chlorophyl, begone!" (in German or French) and there is no green.
Then you steam it and smother it in some white asparagus sauce, all fat and cheezy, and serve it with organ meat of geese that had food stuffed down their throats since goose-puberty, choking on the rich seed until their livers explode.
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