If You're Going to Preach, At Least Take a Shower--Leo's Last Word

It’s a shame, some people.
I'll have to take over now, because Leo isn't feeling well. I know what he told you I was at his ex-wife's house and got a restraining order against him. That's not true. He did that. I actually was there to keep him from hurting somebody. He owes me. I saved his life. So, I'll tell you this last part of the story because Leo doesn't really know how to tell it.
Now, he's arguing with me, saying there are some details I don't know, so I'll just let him tell the story with me. Or will I?
It's a shame, these kids today, with all their electronic little gadgets. Listen, Leo admits he doesn’t know a whole lot about much of the stuff out there. We have a cellular phone, a cd player, a computer. We get on the internet when we need to look stuff up, but we don’t think any of that crap is the key to anything. A guy can be just as happy without it. Anyway, a couple of days ago, some kid came into the store. Probably about legal age or a couple of years older. He had his cell phone and a briefcase, not a nice briefcase, but we thought he was making his point by carrying a briefcase at all. You know, “I’m important! Look at me!” That kind of thing. He had on a button-down shirt and slacks, but he was kind of dirty. Well, his shirt was wrinkled and his hair looked really greasy. He picked out a couple of donuts and poured a small cup of coffee. The whole time he’s walking around being real vocal, speaking to everybody—
“Hey, how’s it going? How’re you doing today?” We knew he was going to say something crazy to me. So he comes up to the checkout counter. “How’s it going, there,” he says. His breath smelled like shit. Oh, excuse us—We're not cursing anymore. Feces. It smelled like feces. His nails were dirty, too. We felt sorry for him, really. Poor kid. He asks us if I’d seen any good movies lately. He said he’d seen the movie that told him the truth about life. Go to the MOVIES, he says, to find out the TRUTH about God.
He kept saying, ‘Religion is ridiculous,’ or something. Like the movie changed his life. He said something that some other guy who gets up and shaves every morning just like him taught him the truth about God. He said people who believe in God are idiots, and that Jesus was a con-man. We couldn’t believe it. He said our Lord and Savior was a con-man. We don’t know if you’re a praying man or anything, but we ask you, how in the hell—excuse us, how in the world can a guy who gets whipped and spat on and nailed to a cross by his hands and feet be a con-man? Isn’t the purpose of being a con to get something out of the deal, to
get over on people?
It goes back to what we said earlier. The key to being found after being lost is to admit that
you don’t know anything. Seems like whoever made that ridiculous movie is pretty lost, himself. We didn’t say anything to the guy. We wanted to punch him in the nose. We knew if we said anything, it would end with him picking himself up off the floor. So we kept silent. That’s another thing we’ve learned too—how to pick my battles. No, we didn’t say anything to the kid. We just wanted him to leave. We figured this kid would learn soon enough the TRUTH about lies. So, he tried to pay with a debit card, which was declined. We took back the donuts and coffee. He left. We kept thinking about what he said: going to the MOVIES taught him the TRUTH about GOD, about LIFE. He hadn’t made his truth look all that appealing to me. We figure if you’re going to preach, at least take a damned shower. He had a cell phone but couldn’t pay for two donuts and a cup of coffee. For the moment, that was his truth.