I cry when I go to the bathroom
I can’t stand looking at my wife naked
I hate watching people eat cream cheese on a bagel
I don’t give a damn about going green
I wish I could sleep all day
I have never donated to the Disabled Veterans Association
I do not see why anybody would want to live in Minnesota
I hate the new non-smoking laws in Chicago
I must admit that kid was right; my daughter does have a face like a bat
I write checks each week to my church
I have unpaid parking tickets
I do not plan to pay them
I do not have to pay them
The car I drive everyday is registered to my father-in-law
I don’t think any amount of money sent to Africa is going to change a damn thing
I’ll have a pack of Winston Lights
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